LEVEL 2 - WTF JILLIAN!

I have started Level 2 of the 30 Day Shred.  SWEET JEBUS JILLIAN!  HOW MANY PLANKING TYPES DOES ONE NEED!  My shoulders and arms are killing me!  In a GREAT way! 

Take note of the MFP link to your right.


SIX POUNDS LOST BABY!!!  I.  Can. DO THIS!

Why my neighbourhood no longer "cuts it"

I had been using the high school track, by my house, for my nightly walks.  It's nice.  It's new (about 2 years old now) clean, bright, open, etc, but it is NO sea wall...and that is where I have been doing walks 2 times a week for the past month.
The track:

See...nice, new, bright...fine.

The sea wall, on the other hand...

 **Every time I walk past this (Siwash Rock) I expect to see the pirate ship from The Goonies.

SEE!  Big difference,  Now, while my neighbourhood is "fine", this is spectacular.  So much more motivating and inviting.  Who wants to jog past houses?  On a track by a school?
Noooow, who wants to jog past the Pacific Ocean, beaches, ships and stunning rock formations??

Hmmm...tough decision hey?

I'm heading to the sea wall tonight ;)

New Week

So, I didn't do much of anything this weekend, except eat and chill.  Not cool, but I won't let that bring me down.
I'm not quitting. I am determined to do this.

The scale this morning tells me 211.  We'll see later this week, when my friend comes by with her digi scale and fat measurer.

30 day shred and smoothie lunch, comin up!

Popeye

Meal replacement smoothie.  I alternate between breakfast and lunch. 
I use berries and spinach.  I throw in a banana and a cucumber sometimes.  Tis good.  So good.

The Ugly Reality

There you have it.  214.7lbs of sheer fat.  Saggy belly, cellulite and all.

I am so embarrassed

The Numbers Don't Lie

Aug. 16

Weight: 214.7lb
Bicep: 13.5in
Chest: 46in
Waist: 43in
Hips: 45in
Thigh: 22in

Body Fat: 39.6%  :(

Disappointment

I haven't had a scale in months, so I've been guesstimating my weight.

I'm not 208, I'm 214. 

I know it doesn't seem like much more, but it FEELS like so much more.  my heart hurts.  I can't believe I've let myself get to this point.  I feel like giving up already, only because I thought I was a lower number. :(

Why don't I feel more motivated to change it, rather than feeling defeated and like giving up?

A New Mental State

UGH! I can't so this anymore. I can't be fat. I just stared at my 208lbs self in the mirror and listened to all the horrible things I hear myself say about it. I can't do this.
I will not sit on the couch, I will not eat that bag of chips, chocolate bar or beef jerky. I will NOT reward myself with food. I am not a dog.
My reward will be self esteem.

I need motivated people to guide me. Not quitters and cheaters. I am one of those and I can't be anymore. I'm not healthy, I'm not happy. I can't do all the things I want in life because I feel my weight restricts a lot of things. I'm embarrassed to go out. I push people away from me. I hide in my clothes and keep myself away from others. 

I miss me, the old me. The new me sucks. I need to be the confident me I used to be, for myself, for my husband and for my children. They cannot grow up watching me struggle with my weight. It's not fair to them or to me.

Today, is a new me...a better me. Because I can't be the me I've been for the past 5 years anymore. I hate that bitch and I want her gone. She hinders my progress. She gives into McDonald's, she says "maybe later" about exercising, she says "I'm busy" when invited to pool parties and the beach. She holds resentment towards her thinner friends. It's not ok anymore. It never was ok.